Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Happy Birthday Dad

Tomorrow is dad's birthday. I haven't been to the cemetery since we buried him. The weather has been horrible and he doesn't have a headstone and I didn't want to stare at a mound of dirt. The headstone will be in by Memorial Day, it is 6 feet long and probably the biggest headstone in the cemetery, which I am sure he would love. We are having his fire helmet and number etched in with the word "photographer." In hindsight, we should have had a remote control etched on it.

I always enjoyed buying my dad birthday cards, looking through all the Hallmark ones to find the funniest one I could find. I never really could think of anything cool to get him present wise.. What do you get a guy that always had everything?? So, the card I got him and his reaction from it is what I always cared about most.

One Christmas a few years ago, I couldn't figure out anything to get him and I saw something online about creating your own book. So, I looked into it and basically the book is already made, and there are different kinds, like love stories, little kids books, etc. You just tell them the names of the people that you want to be the characters in the book and send them a picture and they personalize the book for you. I got some hot steamy love doctor/nurse book where I think he was the doctor and Martha was the nurse. I was able to add in a few of their friends and relatives. When he opened it he about shit. He thought that was the best thing he had ever seen. Like I gave him a winning lottery ticket. It was so awesome! I think that was the last Christmas we had before he got sick so I am glad that I was able to give him something he was able to enjoy. I don't even think he ever read it, but he took it around and showed it to people.

I will probably still buy him a card, and maybe a cookie from Fiss, get some flowers and balloons to dress his grave. Although I would rather sit on his deck, eat hamburgers, drink beer and watch him open his presents.

I always felt like everyone looked at me as "Jim's daughter." So, now it is weird to me because now I feel like I don't belong to anyone and I am just "Liza" now. It is a whole new identity that I am trying to get used to. I know I have Coleman, but it's different. He isn't my parent. It is weird to loose your blood, it is your identity, where you came from. They have all the knowledge and history of where you and where you came from. You associate your life with that person. Nothing really ever mattered or was real to me until I told him. Now I have to get used to being satisfied not telling him and moving on.

I just hope someday when I have kids, I will see a lot of my dad in them. If they aren't funny or don't have any of his mannerisms...then I will know they couldn't possibly be my kids.

Happy Birthday Dad

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